Creative writing by Katie Babb
Just before a significant event you’ve been looking forward to for weeks, why do we trip at the last hurdle, why can’t we last those extra hours, just one more night you say to yourself the next day. The overwhelming excitement becomes too much to bare and you proceed to start the fun that little bit earlier (un)aware of the consequences. A festival, a stag do, the night before New Year’s Eve, tell me why can’t we just get an early night before The Big Trip?
Walking out of her apartment, she said goodbye to her housemates who seemed to be engrossed in the classic film, The Truman Show, which she suspected they had watched a thousand times before. She looked up and saw the bright lights illuminate the hill she needed to walk up and with each footstep accentuated by the street lights, bubbles began to fizz around her system and I expect cause a chemical reaction. Reconsidering the commitment she’d made hours earlier which would have enabled her to book her trip for the following day, she needed to burst the new emotions as quickly as they emerged as adapting wasn’t easy for her, over thinking was but she had no spare time, her mind was occupied.
Being controlled by a force of “anxiet-venture” which ultimately altered her seamless plan, she turned around and proceeded to head towards a bar she’d frequently occupied – after all, they had wifi there so booking the trip would still happen, she told herself. As she walked in the darkness, a moment was taken to appreciate the moon, it was a half moon but the full moon was still visible backlit in it’s shadow. Overwhelming contentness and appreciation for life rushed around her veins and she was high on love – was this the moment that would contribute to the amendment of her evening?
She felt comfortable whilst walking and selected people in her mind to share the moment with. Even though they weren’t with her and would be none the wiser in theory, she still connected with them in her mind’s eye. She instantly imaged her best friend who she was planning on travelling to see the following day, it had been almost 2 years since she moved to Australia and truth be told, she was an impact on society. She hit her hometown like a meteorite packed with kindness, good nature and a brilliant mind. Everyone loved this girl as she was down to earth and by just being in her presence, you instantly felt as though you were a better person.
“Welcome back, take a seat and I’ll get you a drink” were welcoming words to a stranger in Australia especially as maintaining connections were important to her. Drinking a beer, she logged onto the internet and continued to focus on finding the best bus route. The only bus she found would get her there the following evening, Saturday, coming back the morning after. It was the only bus available so she texted her boss requesting Monday off work – she pulled the birthday card, naturally. A weight was lifted off her shoulders, she’d found the route, assumed she could have Monday off, what could go wrong, the cheque was cashed, she felt awesome.
A miniature poodle began wondering the bar and being a fan of the “homunculied”, her heart was reinforced into helping melt the earlier bubbles that led her there initially.
The owner who greeted her earlier approached and claimed the pooch, the puppy licked his face but denied hers, she longed for the same attention for the dog was beautiful.
His friendly staff started packing away the chairs but she wasn’t ready to go home, she had completed her mission, popped the air inside of her and fallen in love with this miniature poodle. Can I have a lock in she thought?
As anticipated, the owner arranged a lock in and she wasn’t surprised, he seemed up for conversation and a few private drinks but she couldn’t help but wonder, how private he wanted to get. This was a small thought in her mind just like any streetwise girl would ponder with reassuring comfort produced in the fact she knew the bar he managed and also, how could he get away with disposing of her necrophilia-ed corpse when there’s witnesses to vouch her being there?
He suggested they go back to his apartment with the dog and continue to drink. Was he safer because he had a cute dog, was it a decoy for his heinousness’, a manipulation tool? She had seen it all and was certainly not about to be in an unsafe environment. She had couch surfed in Miami with 3 different people once, all guys, it wasn’t a decision she would take lightly and no matter how naive she seemed to them, she was always one step ahead with her safety and confidence in people perception also anticipating possible judgement errors. She liked to believe she could read intentions and with this guy, she knew he was capable of trying it on, he wouldn’t persist but he was male, she believed his real thirst was just therapeutic conversations delving into his life, attention, he just wanted a normal girl to talk to and she was wise, she read that and was happy to partake.
He appeared to be the perfect host, he opened up about prior relationship s and she was happy to give an input regarding where he was going wrong. It is always easier to identify someone else’s mistakes opposed to your own.
Time moved way too quickly in a way it was hard to keep track. She tried to go to the toilet but felt it was impossible. He had made every bathroom so clean and tidy that she didn’t feel comfortable, it felt too staged. She had a choice of a few bathrooms and said to him, “come on I need a wee, stop messing around”. Was there an undertone that he thought she thought she was better than him so insisted on making her feel she couldn’t even piss in his presence? What a clever cunt, exactly the bullshit she predicated him pulling.
She wakes up on the sofa alone but instantly felt comfort in seeing the poodle lying close by. Everything was tidy almost like if you’d taken a wrong footstep, picked up something through curiosity, you would be in mousetrap or buckaroo, fucked or chucked. Like a booby trap, like pushing a domino and watching them all fall strategically, this feeling was strong and she was keen to not activate the trigger. Feeling like every move, every breath mattered, she laughed to herself thinking, you don’t know who you are messing with. She then walked into his bedroom and there he was, the owner, facing the wall with the most relaxing music on. Was he winding her up? She’d fallen asleep and he’d set up booby traps that were probably void but was trying to trip her out implying he had no awareness and was just chilling in bed. After his intentional ignorance to her yelling, she saw a light from his bedside table, it was a phone and a light, he was filming her! Initial thoughts, did he have a YouTube channel created to embarrass and show up girls because they’d done this to him and now was a complete weirdo – did he especially seek out foreigners to send them back home broken?? Stranger things have happened if I’m honest, even if this felt a little bit racist. She yelled, “you’re joking me I’m outta here” thinking there’s no way she’s falling for this, you’ve chosen the wrong girl. When she decided to respect herself and leave, she opened one of the many doors, two infact and through each door led to a perfectly made bed! Immediately self destructing she screams,” you’re a sick pig” but later feeling disappointed in herself knowing she was reacting into the camera’s hands.
He quickly arose from his pit and refusing to let him know he had got to her, she carefully asked for the wifi password and said, “I’ve had a lovely time and want to leave now”. He poured a drink for himself and passed her the wifi code. She got her phone out and looked down to the code and read, “none existence, the amount of time it will take me to get over you”. She replied saying “yep, cute” picked up her belongings and walked out thinking, “I’ve been punked” how could this happen to me?”
She walked down the stairwell knowing the cameras were rolling whilst trying to ignore the water he had filled her shoes with. Her bag was also making a chugging noises, she knew he’d put jugs of dirty water in there but didn’t check, she wanted to rise above it and refuse to give them a reaction.
As she walked into the road, cars speeded pass with their cameras on the roof whilst the messages on the billboards were obviously changed to be aimed at her. I’m not ready to say what these messages said to her but they were truly troublesome and she held back the tears not knowing know why she’d been targeted, she given him a lending ear. Maybe that was a weakness he took advantage of.
She decided to take refuge on a bench and refused to just walk away like an embarrassment when deep down she knew she was an awesome person. She said to herself, they can’t just dispose of me for their humour and decided to sit on a bench to figure out an action plan. She sat in the dark, the flashing signs around her got worse, telling her she was trash and to go back to where she came from. She didn’t know why Australians were being so unkind. It felt like hours past by but still, no one stopped. Cars slowed down but didn’t stop in an attempt to make me feel as though they cared initially but then at the last minute, crushing her hopes and drove off mocking her and completing their part in the prank. She decided to open her bag and get her phones out. the cheap Australian phone still had credit and she also found a bottle of water. She opened the cap and started to throw it all over the bench expressing her frustration, a bit like being in a night terror and making a drastic mental move to be able to wake up. It didn’t work. The cameras were on her and she was still on TV being watched, she felt this couldn’t go on forever and wanted to report this to the police with a lawyer present. She tried to call the police on her phone but then realised she didn’t even know the equilavent to 999. It was frustrating and she began to cry feeling her tears and wiping them off creating puddles on the floor. Daylight slowly came round and she started to realise the harsh reality that she was insane. No one cared, no one was watching, in fact she’d was convinced she was in the middle of a psychotic episode. Did the pressure of her birthday combined with being away from family have a stronger effect on her than she imagined possible. Convinced she was insane, she knew she had to get home and call one of her brothers’. She had opted for the eldest as he would do what’s needed where as the younger one she could talk him out of getting her the help he needed.
Walking in any direction, she contemplated asking a stranger to take her home or to the hospital claiming insanity. No matter how hard she tried she couldn’t do it. She walked and walked with absolutely no idea of her surroundings when suddenly she saw a tram line. She knew the tram went near her house, she thought, “am I saved, please say I was saved?”. Reaching daylight now, the sudden pain that she’d miss going to Noosa to see friend tore through her but she knew she’d understand if she was sectioned. Getting off the tram at the scene of the crime, the bar, she took a slightly different route home feeling paranoid and almost got lost once more. Eventually pulling the walk off, she made it home. Her housemate was where she left her, in front of the TV but instead of watching the Truman show, she was watching the news, she rushed to her bedroom conscious of the fact she could have featured in it. Suddenly puzzle pieces started to be put in place, was the housemate a part of her night? “Did she know I was going to get punked and in preparation, let me see her watching the Truman show to push me into that mindset?” Her head was fucked and who could she trust?
She went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror and had never seen something so relieving in all her life. There were sourcers, huge black sourcers and by looking into them, she knew everything was intensified, she knew she couldn’t trust them and what they’d told her brain they saw. Relieved in the fact she wasn’t mental but just tripping over a seriously bad trip, she called her friends, who she later suggested should work for the emergency services, and they booked her a taxi to her bus and all was not lost, she made it onto her original trajectory and began the trip she had intended.
In conclusion, I commend myself for being efficient in finding out the truth before I got sucked in any further and before he got too far deep into this particular affair. He called me after I accused him and I allowed him to explain. I don’t know what the sisterhood in this kind of situation is but i won’t be ruining his life by exposing him, he’ll probably do that all by himself.
Katie Babb 